Includes Jacqueline Carey on io9.com and Graphic Novels.

Making this a separate post from ‘Visible’ below because I wanted to keep the focus on transsexuality before; this post will lack such focus.

First up, today Jacqueline Carey answered io9 readers questions about ‘Santa Olivia’ (My review of which can be found here). Not a big discussion, but a nice read. Also there’s a reason why I’ll never wash this monitor again; she answered a couple of my questions. *Fangirl squee* Because this blog is the Jade n’ Jade show presented by Jade, I’ll quote the related question/ answer from a woman I’m convinced is an aspect of the Goddess here:

TatAsya: Loup’s unique reaction to fear, and especially pain. Like Phèdre you have the recurring theme in having a protagonist feel pain, but not particularly fear it. In this instance Loup seems to feel disconnected from being hurt. I’m curious is there a reason or an influence on why you’ve chosen to explore the concept of pain? Especially in a new and different context with Loup.

Second, I’m curious as to how much of the outside world did you develop? You drop hints, but did you intend to leave it to our imaginations? Finally, the bombs being dropped on Outpost, was there a 1984 reference in (I believe) one character musing that it was the US military itself doing so?

Jacqueline Carey: @TatAsya: Honestly, I don’t consider this book an exploration of the concept of pain — I see your point, but it’s more a byproduct of exploring the nature of fear .
I didn’t develop the outside world because I wanted to evoke a sense of isolation and social claustrophobia by focusing on Outpost. If there was a 1984 reference, it wasn’t deliberate… but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there!

Her response to my first question was interesting, I was convinced there was a recurring theme in that Loup felt so disconnected from pain while Phèdre needed it to feel connected. Also the rest of the responses are well worth a read, she even stated that there will be a sequel *fangirl squee*. ‘Santa Olivia’ could have ended right there beautifully wrapped up, but I can’t wait to see where she goes with it. Also it’s the only Jacqueline Carey novel I ever managed to complete, ‘Kushiel’s Dart’ still being the novel that my therapist has probably made more money off of than Carey herself. If on the off chance Jacqueline Carey’s reading this, I’m a huge fan and thanks a lot for answering my questions!

I like to think I stayed on topic and managed to keep from being a drooling fangirl complete with half-naked photos of my tattooed body. Which I’ll link here actually because I’m still fucking proud of it, and I found the exact blossom which it was based upon. (For some reason I couldn’t find it before)

Second on the List: I’ve read my first graphic novel, ‘The Dark Knight Returns’. I had always wanted to get into the medium, but had been overwhelmed by where to start before. Fortunately, I had an amazing talk with my popular literature professor last Monday. Actually I nearly did a post on what we discussed, I might still. I caught him during office hours and without any students knocking on his door I started with an introduction, but then we got talking. He had assigned ‘The Dark Knight Returns’, but also highly recommended it. So I picked it up along with the rest of the books I needed for the course and brought it home. That was yesterday, I finished it today. It was amazing.

The picture the tattoo artist used

I had never really taken a look at the medium before, but the writing was fantastic and how it all came together with the illustrations was really interesting. As well as a breathtaking scene of Batman and the Joker in the tunnel of love at a carnival. It came out in the 80′s, but still don’t want to spoil it. No the ‘Tunnel of Love’ isn’t alluding to anything. That said, if anyone knows if Bruno is a Transwoman or Transman I’d really like to know, I honestly have no idea which way Bruno was going in transition. Maybe it was left ambiguous, but it seems unlikely. Maybe I’m missing something, but truly I have no idea.

He gave me a list of titles I might enjoy, particularly in the fantasy genre. He suggested ‘Fables’ so I’ll pop into a bookstore tomorrow he mentioned and see if I can find the first in the series. The rest of the list is: Cerebrus the Aardvark, Moonshadow, Elfquest, Love and Rockets, Presepolis (which my mother had lent me, so maybe ‘The Dark Knight Returns’ wasn’t the first graphic novel I read) and books by Edward Gorey. Along with a few mainstream ones like The Watchmen and V for Vandetta (both movie versions I loved, so I’ll probably give ‘em a look). It was very nice of him, and will probably be a nice platform to start things on.

What was interesting, and this relates to Jacqueline Carey and the images of my tattoo and its inspirations, is that we started to discuss the public in regards to mass media. Naturally, novels are published by fewer and fewer publishing houses and the regional presses don’t exist too much anymore. This is despite self-publishing and blogging becoming more available today, and something which many are fighting to stop. We were discussing the theory that mass marketed paperbacks, comics, movies etc… are awful because they’re a censored form of social control. They are allowed because they’re not revolutionary, and a lot of it is very bland. He had the example of Harlequin romance novels (which we’ll be reading a novel by Danielle Steel, I wouldn’t mind it if it weren’t for the horribly tacky cover which makes me want to rip it off). He asked if people are saps for reading those things, it’s pure fantasy that will never happen and presented the question about what would someone think if they saw someone reading one.

It’s interesting to think about. Many might consider people who read such ‘trashy’ mass produced novels to be duped out of their money for a flimsy unrealistic fantasy. But… honestly that’s not my point of view. It wasn’t his, at least entirely. I thought about this, and replied “No, indulgence in fantasy is important.” He told me that studies had been done on women who read Harlequin romance novels, they found that many women found them to be a way to cope. Either with difficult jobs, abusive relationship, or the day to day that we all have to deal with. That, despite being mass produced and marketed, the old addage of “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” could be applied. That, many women used those novels as a way to help out in their own lives, to indulge a bit. He rejected the idea of escapism, we are never truly free from what ties us to reality; but I added that there was nothing wrong with indulging in fantasy. Consumerism is not all bad, if we have the power to find beauty, fun, indulgence, fantasy in the mundane. Do not cast off the material world but contemplate on and embrace what you love within it.

The completed marque.

I do it myself. This is where Jacqueline Carey’s writings come in, ‘Kuehiel’s Dart’, ‘Santa Olivi
a’ (I haven’t read Banewreaker yet) became symbols, inspiration and fantasy that helped me survive my transition. They continue to be, despite me having difficulty reading ‘Kushiel’s Dart’ without a tsunami mood swing, a piece of a world, a rolemodel protagonist and a little piece of beauty in my life. There are many, many reasons for my tattoo, but there’s still a reason why I occasionally slip into a backless dress and look at myself in the mirror posing from time to time. That tattoo (‘marque’) was a way of bringing in and using fantasy as a coping mechanism in my life. In the end it got me inspired to try writing something different, which became ‘The Lady General’ and well, I’m still in love with the idea of getting to play courtesan. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, writing and reading this stuff is helping me indulge an inner child who forced herself to grow up. When I was young I wanted to transition, or at least dress as a woman. I knew the only way to have the freedom was to grow up and move out. It didn’t work that way, but coupled with having no memories of a little Jade Castillo… it’s difficult for me.

Like my sociology lecture mentioned in the previous post, we all have the power to make something beautiful out of the mundane. So I can cover both literary inspirations, perhaps that’s a bit about Winston Smith’s story in Orwell’s ’1984′. Sometimes I wonder if we’ve constructed a society which will eventually break in two. Already with second life, world of warcraft, and the internet culture as a whole we seem to be living more and more within two worlds. One where we live and one which we work to sustain ourselves and survive; the other where we get to play. I wonder if me wanting to join the temple was a way to do something fantastic and beautiful and dedicate myself to the Goddess as a way to feel connected once more; in this world and not one of someone elses or my own imagining. Although I doubt I would ever stop writing, if anything it might make the decades off memoir more interesting.

When the moon catches my eye, when someone shows me love and kindness, when I was in a great mood and being tortured (perhaps more on what I learned about my emotions and BDSM soon), when I sip wine and have heartfelt conversations with my loved ones; I wonder if it’s reaching out in a small way to take sample of the beautiful reality in which we live. Perhaps in a small way so many of us are angry, frustrated, isolated and disconnected because we long to include something beautiful and wondrous in our lives. Maybe I’m crazy, but we can’t live without hope and we can’t truly live without the fantastical.

There’s probably a novel in here somewhere. Though truthfully I already write so much on the themes of disconnection and identity; I think I’ve been considering this for a long time.

Perhaps I’m just scared, or perhaps there’s a little Jade trying to make sense of it all. Still, whether it’s executing five perfectly canceled seismic hammers in Street Fighter IV, or Jacqueline Carey’s novels, or graphic novels, or writing ‘The Lady General’, or worship under the Goddess, or wine with friends and family… There’s something there, and it’s good and important and I think we all need something like that.

- Jade Dawn Castillo

posted by Jade Castillo
Tags: 1984, George Orwell, Jacqueline Carey, Kushiel's Legacy, Santa Olivia, Tattoo
Filed under: Jade's Diary